You Don't Have To Carry It Alone
by Rosesdancinginmymind
Summary: That curse/spell has Regina having nightmares about Cora n Leopold abusing her.. The nightmares makes her want to avoid sleeping. She almost gets into an accident while falling asleep driving her car. She ends up not going to her office n avoiding Henry frequently. Emma senses something wrong n tries to help - mysterio-lady


_That curse/spell has Regina having nightmares about Cora n Leopold abusing her.. The nightmares makes her want to avoid sleeping. She almost gets into an accident while falling asleep driving her car. She ends up not going to her office n avoiding Henry frequently. Emma senses something wrong n tries to help - mysterio-lady_

_Thank you for the prompt. TW for child and marital abuse. I don't own Once or its characters. Apologies for any mistakes. Hope you enjoy the story :) _

Snow flurries through the air as the curse of shattered sight comes to a close. The curse breaking however is not the end. Regina watches on as everyone embraces their loved ones and she does the same holding Henry close. Her worst fear was, is and always will be losing him and so to see him is a huge relief.

For a moment it soothes her heart.

For a moment.

The curse brought back the worst part of herself, the part she no longer wants to be and now with it lifted she doesn't have to be the evil queen. She can control her rage and her pain and stop herself from lashing out at others. She has worked so hard to be the person she wants to be that she will not lose that now.

Breaking the curse however doesn't stop one unrelentingly cruel side effect. For a short time she was her worst self and with it came an onslaught of her worst memories, the ones she's worked so hard to overcome and to forget.

She never forgets.

She tries but has ultimately learned to overcome then by remembering the good in her life and focusing on the love and happiness she can have. Over time the nightmares have become less frequent and she has allowed herself to believe in happy endings. Sitting in that vault however she was filled with darkness, memories of beatings and worse filling her head and telling her that evil and power was all she would ever be.

_Spineless little girl. _

_Worthless wife. _

_Weakling. _

_Pathetic. _

_What kind of queen would you be?_

_Nothing compared to Ava. _

_Nothing. _

_Nothing. _

The words reverberate in her ears and Regina sucks in a deep breath trying to make them disappear. She doesn't want this. She never wanted this. She's not the evil queen anymore and she never will be. That fact doesn't take the memories away.

"Are you okay Mom?" Henry asks with a worried expression, "The curse is broken."

Regina nods plastering a smile on for him hoping it hides her fears, "I know Henry. I'm okay."

"You know you don't have to worry about being the evil queen anymore. We all know you're not a villain. You're my Mom and you're good, don't forget that," he says seeing through the fake smile.

A tear creeps down her cheek as she hugs her son, "I won't," she promises though at the same time she has no idea how to explain to him that that is not her fear. Her fear is of those memories that drove her to darkness in the first place. Her fear is feeling haunted and powerless to define her own fate once more.

* * *

><p>(That night)<p>

_Her mother stands in the doorway imposing and terrifying. Regina cowers in the corner of her room though she knows it's too late. There's no avoiding her mother. There never has been. It's a blur after that. _

_Lashes hit by magic so they never leave scars. _

_Being bound and held in the air until she was gasping for breath. Even then her mother would not relent. _

_Choked promises to be good followed by desperate escapes though she knows she is trapped. There is no fleeing her mother no matter how far she runs. Somehow Cora always finds her and she ends up back in her room fearing her mother's wrath or worse, in the vault with the walls closing in and that dreadful beating making her scream from pure terror. _

_She has to be a princess. _

_She has to be perfect. _

_She isn't. _

_She's never enough. _

_Never, never, never. She hears it so many times and it doesn't go away. Finally one day she is enough for someone but he gets ripped away with a scream and a dream crushed to dust. The loneliness closes in her choking her as she stands in a wedding dress pushed and prodded into a life she never wanted. _

_Her mother goes away and yet she still is not free. _

_She has to be a mother and a wife. She's only nineteen, a mere seven years older than the girl she has to play stepmother too. She tries. She tries so hard to avoid the darkness but they push her into the shadows with their biting comments of "Ava wouldn't have done that" and "Well Mama did it better". _

_Even as queen she's not enough. _

_They leave her more often than they stay. They are a family and they stick together. She's always on the outside looking in, more of a trophy than a person and she loathes it. She can feel the anger and isolation sticking to her like poison and she can't shake it off. _

_The nights come and they are worse. _

_She tries to go numb and pretend she's not there, that he's not there but then she hears that name again, "Ava" is groaned into the air and she is gone alone with her tears and rage. _

_The years go by and her fury only grows. She's in a cage of her own misery and her days go by in a blur of hits, isolation and reminders that she is not enough. _

Regina wakes with a scream followed by sharp pants as tears roll down her cheeks. Shivers wrack her body as she holds her hands over ears to stop the voices haunting her dreams. It's been a long time since they were this bad. The shattered sight curse brought them back with a thundering bang and she wishes she could escape.

She keeps her eyes open determined not to be sucked down into the darkness. She did this once before and she transformed into someone she never wanted to be and never wants to be again. The Evil Queen will always be in her past and that is where Regina wants her to stay.

So she forces herself to stay awake and avoid the memories that haunt her and fill her heart with pain and agonising loneliness.

She can't sleep.

She won't.

* * *

><p>(A week later)<p>

Regina yawns as she climbs into the car. She's barely slept. She won't let herself. Every time she closes her eyes the images come flying back and she won't be dragged back into that world. She doesn't want to be there anymore and she won't be. Regina rests her head tiredly against the steering wheel before shaking her head and sitting up to stop herself from falling asleep.

"No sleep," she mutters to herself, "No sleep, no memories, no pain." It's what she keeps telling herself as she runs from sleep. If she doesn't sleep then the nightmares cannot find her and neither can the darkness.

It's a burden and one she has always carried alone. There's been therapy and long-drawn out sessions and even sleeping pills but when night falls it is her left on her own to battle the nightmares and claw herself away from the agony of darkness.

She starts the car with slow movements, exhaustion tearing its way through her body with every waking second. As she drives she feels her lids grow heavy and even though she fights they close.

_Mother stop! _

_Glass shatters around them as her mother's rage fills the room. A shard flies across and cuts her lip and her hand moves up to her bleeding face in shock. Regina sobs as she looks at her mother who glares back uncaring. _

_That's what happens to clumsy disobedient little girls. _

Regina's eyes snap open as tears fill them and she gasps seeing the lamppost far too late. She swerves but her car rams into it anyway, the airbag swells up and she can't help but rest her face against it. The paramedics comes and take her to the hospital where they stitch her up but she says nothing, the dream and the accident running through her mind.

As they stitch her up all she can hear is her mother's voice from the memory.

It's when she gets home, shaky and exhausted that she sinks onto the floor of her study, her head resting on her knees as she lets herself sob. _I could have been killed _she thinks barely daring to imagine what could have happened today when she fell asleep. _I could have hurt someone_ is the next thought to flitter through her mind and that one terrifies her.

Accident or not she would never forgive herself had she hit someone and hurt them. She doesn't want to be that person anymore, the one who causes pain and loss and she won't be. "No more sleep," she vows again.

No-one else is getting hurt because of her memories.

* * *

><p>Ten days go by. She avoids sleep and she avoids everyone else. She loves her son but she doesn't want to hurt him. If she falls asleep and something happens, well it doesn't bear thinking about. Regina sighs as she sits against the doorway of her study. She's become a prisoner.<p>

She's done exactly what she's tried to avoid. She didn't want to be a prisoner to her memories and yet she's a prisoner to her own terror. She can't hurt anyone and won't so she hides away in her house.

Yet she still can't sleep.

She's so tired, so exhausted of running and escaping, so damn tired of these memories haunting her. Regina jerks upright slightly as she tries to stop herself from falling asleep but she can't. She slumps against the door as her body finally succumbs to its need for sleep.

* * *

><p>There's a knock on the door and Emma looks up smiling at her son before seeing his worried expression. She drops her pen, "What's up kid?"<p>

"It's my Mom," Henry replies with an anxious frown as he chews his lip. She's been avoiding him but not just him, everyone. He's just been to the office only to find that she hasn't been in all week. He's been worried since the curse broke. Once the spell was lifted he was expecting everything to go back to normal. For the most part it has with people accepting what has happened and choosing to move on. His Mom, however, looked terrified when it broke and he doesn't know why.

He's been to the house but she never answers the door. That worried him enough. The one day he entered the house she looked right past him, exhausted and with a zoned-out look that scared the life out of him. That was two days ago.

He had heard about the accident and wanted to check on her. Since then no-one has seen her and his fear has only grown.

Emma nods at him. She too has been increasingly worried about Regina. She's become used to seeing her and her sudden absence has left a gaping hole in her life that has made Emma realise just how much she cares for Regina. Truth be told she's been steadily falling in love with the former queen for months now but hasn't admitted it to herself.

Being without Regina however has made her admit it. She's used to having dinners and lunches with Regina and Henry and feeling like part of a family with her. She doesn't want to lose that. Even if she wasn't harbouring secret feelings of love she's worried about Regina anyway. They're friends now at the very least and the thought of her suffering alone upsets Emma to her core.

She smiles reassuringly at her son getting up and placing a hand on his shoulder, "I'll go check on her kid and make sure she's okay."

"Do you think she is?"

"I hope so Henry," Emma replies.

* * *

><p>Emma stands on the doorstep taking a deep nervous breath as she prepares to knock. Suddenly she hears a loud scream. Panic rushes through her and she forgets about knocking instead pushing the door open and running into the house. She finds Regina curled up on her study floor sobbing with her face against her knees.<p>

"Regina?" Emma asks tentatively kneeling down. She strokes Regina's cheek softly to bring the other woman back to consciousness. Seeing Regina in this much pain makes her heart ache and all she wants is to be here for Regina, to help her and support her in any way she can.

Regina wakes with a start jumping at Emma's touch flinching away and scooting to the door, "Emma?" she asks.

Emma nods, "Yeah it's me, are you okay?"

She doesn't know if it's exhaustion or if it's just that it's Emma, Emma who's always there if she needs her, Emma who supports her, cares and believes in her but this time when asked she gives the truth, "No."

Emma frowns sympathetically moving closer to the clearly tired woman, "What's wrong?"

"I can't sleep," Regina admits looking down at her feet as she tries to control the tears running down her cheeks. Emma scoots forward seeing Regina's tears. She wipes a few away with her thumb before pulling Regina into a hug.

Regina rests her head against Emma's shoulder. It's been so long since she was held like this. Robin tried but it wasn't like this. In this embrace she feels safe and before she knows it everything is tumbling from her lips, the curse breaking, the nightmares, her past, all of it. Emma doesn't run though. She simply holds her and lets Regina sob exhaustedly into her arms.

Emma waits for Regina to finish her story before holding her close. "Why are you here?" Regina asks looking up at her. Emma strokes away a few more tears before answering her, "Because you need somebody."

"I've always carried it alone," Regina points out.

"I know you have," Emma replies, "I have too. I thought I would always carry my demons alone but coming to Storybrooke and finding my family made me realise I don't have to. Neither do you Regina. You don't have to carry it alone."

"I don't want to anymore," Regina admits.

"Then lean on me," Emma suggests, "I'll be here for whatever you need."

"Why?" Regina asks.

Emma shrugs again before simply answering, "Because I want to be. What do you want Regina?"

"I just want to sleep," Regina says, "I just don't want to be alone." Emma nods holding Regina closely and running her hands soothingly up and down the brunette's back, "And you won't be," she promises as she helps Regina drift off to a much needed peaceful sleep.

_Thanks for reading :) _


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